It’s all going wrong! One day I need to make time to read the Constitution. Human scum continues to rat me out. I don’t know who these people are.

The 'Three Amigos' kinda gets me down. All those people who testified against me are 'Never Trumpers.' It’s a shame that Conan, the dog is more popular than me!

The whole investigation is a hoax. Note to self: remind Mike Pence to pick up more chicken sandwiches from Popeye’s!

I didn’t know that such a perfect call could cause such problems. People just don’t get it; I did nothing wrong!

Poor Roger Stone, like Lev and Igor, I barely know him.

Roger asked me for a pardoned I wished him good luck and told him not to drop the soap.

They say I try to smear and tamper with witnesses. Not true! All I ever do is fight against corruption, Joe and Hunter Biden, so swampy!

Rudy and I are like the Batman and Robin of anti-corruption, we are superheroes unlike 'shifty' Adam Shiff, and, I am the most trustworthy person I know.

Goodbye, New York! You can’t kick me around anymore. I break out in cold sweat whenever I hear the word impeachment.

A few weeks ago, I had a dream I was being booed at the World Series. There was no Quid Pro Quo! I don’t know what it means but, I will keep on saying it. My call to the leader of Ukraine was just perfect!

I was criticized for how I treated the Kurds. Screw them, after all! They gave us no help at Pearl Harbor or Grenada.

I hate it that people are comparing me to Nixon. What an insult! Nixon was never as handsome as I am.

Don Junior, number one on the New York Times bestsellers list, take that Michelle Obama!

Stay tuned!