History & Politics

Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary

Dear Dairy,

Mattis. LOSER!

The midterms, Mike Cohen and Michelle Obama, horrible people! You too, K West I treated you like a son, a dark and crazy son! SO SAD!

My Saudi friends are so unlucky. Was it their fault a visiting journalist died after carelessly slipping on a banana peel? TRAGIC!

People say I was a sad sack in Paris, but it was raining cats and dogs. I gave a speech while my hair was getting wet. You tell me who the real war hero was…

Jeff Sessions. SO WEAK!! Hopefully Barr will be my Roy Cohn.

Whitaker and Barr really need to protect me even though I did nothing wrong.

Rats are everywhere!

I have two new titles. “Individual number one” and “unindicted co-conspirator”. SO PROUD”!

Mueller thinks he can outsmart me. He needs to know, I am. “Bigger than King Kong.”

Firing John Kelly is my idea of a Merry Christmas… Even “dumb-as-a-rock” Rex Tillerson took a cheap shot. SAD!! Melania feels so bad for me that now she wants to hold my hand in public. Love is great!

I want my wall, maybe Canada will pay for it.

No respect right now, Kim and Vlad are ducking my calls. The other day the President of Haiti hung up on me

Is it my fault Wall Street took a dump and where is my thanks for beating ISIS?

Went to the Bush funeral and I behaved well… I just stared straight ahead and repeated, Mueller is a bastard and Russia is a hoax!

The “Deep State” is out for blood, but I am too smart!

I am a nice guy, but my patience is being tested. What do people want? I was assured they only used the best quality tear gas on women and kids at the border.

Now I must deal with “Nasty Nancy” and “Cheerless Chuck.”

No more mister “nice guy”!

I love the smell of Twitter in the morning!

Got to go, have to call Rush, and Hannity. Stay tuned.