We Have A Busy Day Planned
PHOTO Credit: Victor Kerlow
Trouble seems to follow me. Now its Ukraine-gate, I didn’t do anything wrong, I just made the guy an offer he couldn’t refuse. Gangsta style! Giuliani, such a big mouth.
South Lawn
Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary
Dear Diary:
Trouble seems to follow me. Now its Ukraine-gate, I didn’t do anything wrong, I just made the guy an offer he couldn’t refuse. Gangsta style! Giuliani, such a big mouth.
We have a busy day planned. Then we’re coming home and then we have a lot of work at the United Nations. Note to self: need distractions. Perhaps I need to help my Saudi friends.
Bolton had to go we disagreed on everything. Not a smart guy. JB wants to blow up the whole world at one time.
My tariffs are working beautifully. I’ve got China eating out of my hands. Had to speak to Melania about making eyes at Trudeau. I can’t help it if TV makes me look twenty pounds heavier and crazy light bulbs make me glow orange.
Got in a few rounds of golf while working on the hurricane crisis, I know how to multitask too. Thanks to me the hurricane missed Alabama. It’s amazing what you can do with a sharpie. Must find a scapegoat for this mess. Speaking of scapegoats, Jerome Powell is messing my GREAT economy.
I didn’t want to go to Poland anyway, terrible food. After my G7 victory, I wanted to bask in my glory. At least I had the good manners to congratulate Poland on a lovely war.
Busy. So many people to deport, so little time. I’m surrounded by nasty people, like The premier of Denmark. So mean! I made an offer for Greenland, she, insulted me. Thank God for friends like Vlad, Kim, and MLB.
Space Force is up and running. I aim to show the “Klingons” who runs the Universe. I do have great ideas. So great looking and smart, a true Stable Genius-an extremely stable genius at best! The military is considering my plan to nuke hurricanes. Ivanka called my plan sheer genius.
People are beginning to hate me. ME! The least racist and offensive person I know. I’ve given billions to farmers and paper towels to Puerto Ricans. What a bunch of whiners! They say I will ruin the economy. Such nonsense! I ran great casinos.
Note to self: Be subtle now and then; anytime I open my mouth Wall Street crashes. Such power!
Losers are coming out of the woodwork to challenge me for the Republican nomination. Joe Walsh should continue to play guitar for the 'Eagles.
I”m So Focused
There I was at the G20 with my best pals, MBS and Putin. Then came the love fest at the DMZ with Kim. I had tanks in Washington DC July 4th. I’m On Fire!
Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary
Dear Diary:
There I was at the G20 with my best pals, MBS and Putin. Then came the love fest at the DMZ with Kim. I had tanks in Washington DC July 4th. I’m On Fire! Note to self must call the NBA commissioner to ensure an American team wins the title next year. MAGA@
Under so much pressure, I was for the strike on Iran before I was against it. Boy those Iranians sure do send mixed messages!
Bolton has the hots for Iran, it’s like, he is jealous ex-lover. I may have to destroy Iran to make it 'Great Again.' My marketing guys have the 'MAGA' hats, ready to go!
Sarah’s leaving the White House and Mueller going to testify. They say I lack empathy but those kids at the border making me look bad. So Sad!
Word to OJ and Cosby: leave the Twitter to me…My London trip was great, adoring crowds everywhere!
Watched the Democratic debates, what a snooze-fest. 'Sleepy Joe' needs to take a permanent nap.
So bugged about presidential harassment, for some reason, they still want my tax returns. As the great poet, En Vogue said, 'never, gonna get it.
Gotta go. Bolton wants war with Fiji. Another 'shit' to deal with to boost my ratings. Biggest Number Ever!
Still got SDNY crawling up my ass, gotta get my homey Rudy G on them
“Two days after Special Counsel Robert Mueller finished his nearly two-year investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election and any ties between the Russian government and Donald Trump’s presidential campaign, Attorney General William Barr delivered a four-page letter to Congress summarizing Mueller’s final report” ~ RollingStone, MARCH 24, 2019.
It all goes back to Episode 1. 'Nobody disobeys my orders': Trump
Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary.
Dear Diary,
Total exoneration! “Beautiful William Barr” deserves the Congressional Medal of Freedom or at least a free lunch at KFC. I also told Barr he could keep the colored pens I gave him to redact the report. This Mueller thing was fake news and a failed coup. I won, suck on that Democrats!
Nobody disobeys my orders you can ask Rod Rosenstein.
The Russian hoax is over Don McGahn, such a loser! What kind of lawyer actually takes notes?
People don’t believe I have the energy of a 17-year-old, ask Melania. I’ve got more vigor than “Sleepy Joe.” That’s for sure.
No collusion, no obstruction, the Mueller report is total B.S.; They keep trying to take me down, but this is “Game of Thrones” baby and I aim to win!
Still got SDNY crawling up my ass, gotta get my homey Rudy G on them. Note to self, find out if Slovenia has an extradition treaty with the USA…
AOC and Warren itching to impeach but they forget that I have low friends in high places.
A lesser man would laugh at Joe Biden, but I am too presidential to stoop to that level. I know how it feels to be falsely accused, ask my pals, Bill Cosby, and Robert Kraft.
People keep on asking me about Julian Assange. Who? I don’t know the guy. I thought WikiLeaks was slang for the men’s restroom.
Lie, cheat, steal, but really I'm a nice guy. I have to wonder, why Nipsy Hustle gets all the love? After all, I didn’t get my parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.
Samuel L. Jackson needs to stop whining about me cheating at golf and focus on great movies like “Snakes on a Plane.” Still waiting on that sequel Sammy.
I really don’t know what all the fuss about, Rudy said it was fine to get help from Russia and we can always blame the Dems.
I wish Bill Maher would stop calling me “Fat Donny.” So mean! I told Theresa May I am coming to London in June and she started to cry. She so was overcome with joy. Hope the Queen comes up with better food this time. Would it kill her to make a McDonald’s run? Have a caravan to stop. Stay tuned!
Must call Vlad and make sure my video is safe
My State of The Union speech or as I like to call it, Trump’s Primed Time Special was so brilliant. BIG RATINGS! HUGE NUMBERS!
Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary
Dear Diary, update…
Vietnam, what a dump! Could not find a decent burger in Hanoi. Chairman Kim, you cut me, bro! At least I finally made it to Vietnam bone spurs be damned, take that McCain!
Cohen. RAT!!!
Good to know that the national emergency did not stunt my golf skills. Tiger Woods said I was better than Phil Mickelson. He played scared because I joked about my security detail shooting him if I lost…
R Kelly and Robert Kraft. LOSERS!! The smart people, never get caught!!!
It’s all about my big and beautiful wall, who needs Congress? Damn Democrats! Shutting down the government. SHAME! With Mueller locking up my pals I have nightmares about waking up in a supermax being held by a guy called Bubba.
JEFF Bezos! What a stiff! Cheating on his wife, such a disgrace because I would never cheat on Melania…
Blackmail is such an ugly word Jeff, I prefer the phrase “friendly” persuasion. Note to self, must call Vlad and make sure my video is safe.
My State of The Union speech or as I like to call it, Trump’s Primed Time Special was so brilliant. BIG RATINGS! HUGE NUMBERS!
DT might need a distraction soon, hello Venezuela.
Just took my annual physical. The doctor said I have the body of “The Rock “and the mind of Einstein. HE REALLY KNEW HIS STUFF!!
The Clemson Tigers, what a bunch of whiners. At my own expense, I treat them to authentic American food and they have the nerve to complain.
I have to say. “Blackface” not cool!!! But Liam Neeson along with Tom Brady are my true heroes.
@realDonaldTrump thoughts on planes on the heels of an Ethiopian Airline crash: Airplanes are becoming far too complex to fly. Pilots are no longer needed, but rather computer scientists from MIT. I see it all the time in many products. Always seeking to go one unnecessary step further, when often old and simple is far better. Split second decisions are needed, and the complexity creates danger. All of this for great cost yet very little gain. I don't know about you, but I don't want Albert Einstein to be my pilot. I want great flying professional that are allowed to easily and quickly take control of a plane! SAD!
March could be a bad month due to the witch hunt. No Collusion!! Stay tuned.
History & Politics
It has been a rough few weeks. I feel hot all the time like I am roasting slowly on an open fire…
Miller and I always dreamed of a “White Christmas”. We have a shutdown on our hands, I wish I knew who was responsible for all this chaos.
Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary
Dear Dairy,
Mattis. LOSER!
The midterms, Mike Cohen and Michelle Obama, horrible people! You too, K West I treated you like a son, a dark and crazy son! SO SAD!
My Saudi friends are so unlucky. Was it their fault a visiting journalist died after carelessly slipping on a banana peel? TRAGIC!
People say I was a sad sack in Paris, but it was raining cats and dogs. I gave a speech while my hair was getting wet. You tell me who the real war hero was…
Jeff Sessions. SO WEAK!! Hopefully Barr will be my Roy Cohn.
Whitaker and Barr really need to protect me even though I did nothing wrong.
Rats are everywhere!
I have two new titles. “Individual number one” and “unindicted co-conspirator”. SO PROUD”!
Mueller thinks he can outsmart me. He needs to know, I am. “Bigger than King Kong.”
Firing John Kelly is my idea of a Merry Christmas… Even “dumb-as-a-rock” Rex Tillerson took a cheap shot. SAD!! Melania feels so bad for me that now she wants to hold my hand in public. Love is great!
I want my wall, maybe Canada will pay for it.
No respect right now, Kim and Vlad are ducking my calls. The other day the President of Haiti hung up on me
Is it my fault Wall Street took a dump and where is my thanks for beating ISIS?
Went to the Bush funeral and I behaved well… I just stared straight ahead and repeated, Mueller is a bastard and Russia is a hoax!
The “Deep State” is out for blood, but I am too smart!
I am a nice guy, but my patience is being tested. What do people want? I was assured they only used the best quality tear gas on women and kids at the border.
Now I must deal with “Nasty Nancy” and “Cheerless Chuck.”
No more mister “nice guy”!
I love the smell of Twitter in the morning!
Got to go, have to call Rush, and Hannity. Stay tuned.
History & Politics
Recent development in historical context had given us the timeline of significant events in the unofficial Donald J. Trump "Mar–a–Lago Diary.” We all are a witness of an unprecedented position against institutions and the institutional force.
Satire | YAME
Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary
Dear Diary,
My shrink told me this was a healthy way to express my inner feelings. What a load of crapola!
Personally, I think he is jealous that I’m the Shakespeare of Twitter. SAD!
Washington is full of swamp rats and liars.
There’s more flipping going on than at Burger King. So unfair it should be illegal. The other day I groped Jared in the Oval Office. I thought he was wearing a wire!
No collusion, no collusion. This Russian thing such a hoax –Fake news
My dad was the greatest role model, and people say I am just like him. I remember watching him leave for a Klan rally. So proud!
Make America great again.
Believe me I am the least racist person I know. Look at how K West calls me daddy.
Mike Pence is a strange guy, he keeps offering to take me skydiving and personally wants to pack chute.
It’s not easy being the GLOAT -Greatest Leader of All Time. Only my friend Vladimir might disagree. So true!
People call me nasty names. So mean! Idiot and screw up, Melania really hates me.
Bart O Kavanaugh (Brain on Bart) is my kind of guy. I would love to have ‘z’ beer with him. It’s a tough time to be a white male. False accusations –SAD!
They say I am a tax fraud. The Press is really the “enemy of the people.”
Mueller insists on meeting me. Fat chance loser!
All for now, I’ve got a cheeseburger with my name on it.
Note to self must learn to fake empathy.