I”m So Focused

Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary

Dear Diary:

There I was at the G20 with my best pals, MBS and Putin. Then came the love fest at the DMZ with Kim. I had tanks in Washington DC July 4th. I’m On Fire! Note to self must call the NBA commissioner to ensure an American team wins the title next year. MAGA@

Under so much pressure, I was for the strike on Iran before I was against it. Boy those Iranians sure do send mixed messages!

Bolton has the hots for Iran, it’s like, he is jealous ex-lover. I may have to destroy Iran to make it 'Great Again.' My marketing guys have the 'MAGA' hats, ready to go!

Sarah’s leaving the White House and Mueller going to testify. They say I lack empathy but those kids at the border making me look bad. So Sad!

Word to OJ and Cosby: leave the Twitter to me…My London trip was great, adoring crowds everywhere!

Watched the Democratic debates, what a snooze-fest. 'Sleepy Joe' needs to take a permanent nap.

So bugged about presidential harassment, for some reason, they still want my tax returns. As the great poet, En Vogue said, 'never, gonna get it.

Gotta go. Bolton wants war with Fiji. Another 'shit' to deal with to boost my ratings. Biggest Number Ever!

America’s Deadly Obsession

The main caveat for the NRA

By Angela Brooks

Virginia Beach, Las Vegas, Parkland and Sandy Hook, all stand as a bloody testament to America’s love affair with guns. Each mass shooting leaves behind in its wake shattered lives, hopes, and dreams while we see feckless politicians offer up meaningless “Thoughts and prayers.”

Politicians wring their hands, staunchly defends the status quo and take in huge donations from the NRA.

Believe you me; I do not advocate for Stormtroopers go into people’s homes and forcibly confiscating guns. However, surely we can do something to alleviate the domestic carnage we experience in this country.

Many convinced that the second amendment is sacrosanct. Where do none gun owners’ rights begin? Don’t we have the right to attend public events, school, and go to work without fear of gun violence?

The main caveat for the NRA should be that the right to gun ownership is a privilege bought with responsibility, total responsibility. We should be able to agree on comprehensive background checks to deny criminals and the mentally ill access to deadly firepower. However, the financial heft and lobbying muscle of the NRA has stymied real attempt at gun control.

We have a patchwork of laws in some states, such as “Open carry: and “Stand your ground” have fueled a “Wild West” mentality which in some cases has led to tragic consequences. It would be too simplistic to state the nations 'love affair sixth guns are just a part of our psyche. In comparison, other countries where guns are not as readily available death rates due to gun violence are dramatically lower.

As in the case of New Zealand after a massacre, had the political will to ban assault rifles a lesson for us all perhaps there is hope for the future. The passionate advocacy of the young Parkland shooting survivors has galvanized a movement for common sense gun laws. Progressive states such as California and Colorado have passed more restrictive laws on gun and ammunition sales. Many have called for the crisis to be declared 'national emergency, very few in battle zones like Chicago would disagree with that characterization.

Elections have consequences, and 2020 is the perfect way to our craven politicians who failed so miserably to protect us.

Still got SDNY crawling up my ass, gotta get my homey Rudy G on them

It all goes back to Episode 1. 'Nobody disobeys my orders': Trump

Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary.

Dear Diary,

Total exoneration! “Beautiful William Barr” deserves the Congressional Medal of Freedom or at least a free lunch at KFC. I also told Barr he could keep the colored pens I gave him to redact the report. This Mueller thing was fake news and a failed coup. I won, suck on that Democrats!

Nobody disobeys my orders you can ask Rod Rosenstein.

The Russian hoax is over Don McGahn, such a loser! What kind of lawyer actually takes notes?

People don’t believe I have the energy of a 17-year-old, ask Melania. I’ve got more vigor than “Sleepy Joe.” That’s for sure.

No collusion, no obstruction, the Mueller report is total B.S.; They keep trying to take me down, but this is “Game of Thrones” baby and I aim to win!

Still got SDNY crawling up my ass, gotta get my homey Rudy G on them. Note to self, find out if Slovenia has an extradition treaty with the USA…

AOC and Warren itching to impeach but they forget that I have low friends in high places.

A lesser man would laugh at Joe Biden, but I am too presidential to stoop to that level. I know how it feels to be falsely accused, ask my pals, Bill Cosby, and Robert Kraft.

People keep on asking me about Julian Assange. Who? I don’t know the guy. I thought WikiLeaks was slang for the men’s restroom.

Lie, cheat, steal, but really I'm a nice guy. I have to wonder, why Nipsy Hustle gets all the love? After all, I didn’t get my parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.

Samuel L. Jackson needs to stop whining about me cheating at golf and focus on great movies like “Snakes on a Plane.” Still waiting on that sequel Sammy.

I really don’t know what all the fuss about, Rudy said it was fine to get help from Russia and we can always blame the Dems.

I wish Bill Maher would stop calling me “Fat Donny.” So mean! I told Theresa May I am coming to London in June and she started to cry. She so was overcome with joy. Hope the Queen comes up with better food this time. Would it kill her to make a McDonald’s run? Have a caravan to stop. Stay tuned!

Must call Vlad and make sure my video is safe

Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary

Dear Diary, update…

Vietnam, what a dump! Could not find a decent burger in Hanoi. Chairman Kim, you cut me, bro! At least I finally made it to Vietnam bone spurs be damned, take that McCain!

Cohen. RAT!!!

Good to know that the national emergency did not stunt my golf skills. Tiger Woods said I was better than Phil Mickelson. He played scared because I joked about my security detail shooting him if I lost…

R Kelly and Robert Kraft. LOSERS!! The smart people, never get caught!!!

It’s all about my big and beautiful wall, who needs Congress? Damn Democrats! Shutting down the government. SHAME! With Mueller locking up my pals I have nightmares about waking up in a supermax being held by a guy called Bubba.

JEFF Bezos! What a stiff! Cheating on his wife, such a disgrace because I would never cheat on Melania…

Blackmail is such an ugly word Jeff, I prefer the phrase “friendly” persuasion. Note to self, must call Vlad and make sure my video is safe.

My State of The Union speech or as I like to call it, Trump’s Primed Time Special was so brilliant. BIG RATINGS! HUGE NUMBERS!

DT might need a distraction soon, hello Venezuela.

Just took my annual physical. The doctor said I have the body of “The Rock “and the mind of Einstein. HE REALLY KNEW HIS STUFF!!

The Clemson Tigers, what a bunch of whiners. At my own expense, I treat them to authentic American food and they have the nerve to complain.

I have to say. “Blackface” not cool!!! But Liam Neeson along with Tom Brady are my true heroes.

@realDonaldTrump thoughts on planes on the heels of an Ethiopian Airline crash: Airplanes are becoming far too complex to fly. Pilots are no longer needed, but rather computer scientists from MIT. I see it all the time in many products. Always seeking to go one unnecessary step further, when often old and simple is far better. Split second decisions are needed, and the complexity creates danger. All of this for great cost yet very little gain. I don't know about you, but I don't want Albert Einstein to be my pilot. I want great flying professional that are allowed to easily and quickly take control of a plane! SAD!

March could be a bad month due to the witch hunt. No Collusion!! Stay tuned.

History & Politics

Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary

Dear Dairy,

Mattis. LOSER!

The midterms, Mike Cohen and Michelle Obama, horrible people! You too, K West I treated you like a son, a dark and crazy son! SO SAD!

My Saudi friends are so unlucky. Was it their fault a visiting journalist died after carelessly slipping on a banana peel? TRAGIC!

People say I was a sad sack in Paris, but it was raining cats and dogs. I gave a speech while my hair was getting wet. You tell me who the real war hero was…

Jeff Sessions. SO WEAK!! Hopefully Barr will be my Roy Cohn.

Whitaker and Barr really need to protect me even though I did nothing wrong.

Rats are everywhere!

I have two new titles. “Individual number one” and “unindicted co-conspirator”. SO PROUD”!

Mueller thinks he can outsmart me. He needs to know, I am. “Bigger than King Kong.”

Firing John Kelly is my idea of a Merry Christmas… Even “dumb-as-a-rock” Rex Tillerson took a cheap shot. SAD!! Melania feels so bad for me that now she wants to hold my hand in public. Love is great!

I want my wall, maybe Canada will pay for it.

No respect right now, Kim and Vlad are ducking my calls. The other day the President of Haiti hung up on me

Is it my fault Wall Street took a dump and where is my thanks for beating ISIS?

Went to the Bush funeral and I behaved well… I just stared straight ahead and repeated, Mueller is a bastard and Russia is a hoax!

The “Deep State” is out for blood, but I am too smart!

I am a nice guy, but my patience is being tested. What do people want? I was assured they only used the best quality tear gas on women and kids at the border.

Now I must deal with “Nasty Nancy” and “Cheerless Chuck.”

No more mister “nice guy”!

I love the smell of Twitter in the morning!

Got to go, have to call Rush, and Hannity. Stay tuned.

History & Politics

Satire | YAME

Mar–a–Lago: The Unofficial Diary

Dear Diary,

My shrink told me this was a healthy way to express my inner feelings. What a load of crapola!

Personally, I think he is jealous that I’m the Shakespeare of Twitter. SAD!

Washington is full of swamp rats and liars.

There’s more flipping going on than at Burger King. So unfair it should be illegal. The other day I groped Jared in the Oval Office. I thought he was wearing a wire!

No collusion, no collusion. This Russian thing such a hoax –Fake news

My dad was the greatest role model, and people say I am just like him. I remember watching him leave for a Klan rally. So proud!

Make America great again.

Believe me I am the least racist person I know. Look at how K West calls me daddy.

Mike Pence is a strange guy, he keeps offering to take me skydiving and personally wants to pack chute.

It’s not easy being the GLOAT -Greatest Leader of All Time. Only my friend Vladimir might disagree. So true!

People call me nasty names. So mean! Idiot and screw up, Melania really hates me.

Bart O Kavanaugh (Brain on Bart) is my kind of guy. I would love to have ‘z’ beer with him. It’s a tough time to be a white male. False accusations –SAD!

They say I am a tax fraud. The Press is really the “enemy of the people.”

Mueller insists on meeting me. Fat chance loser!

All for now, I’ve got a cheeseburger with my name on it.

Note to self must learn to fake empathy.